What’s the point?
I’m so sick of living life on the edge. Why do I have to deal with the destruction that my partner’s horrible choices has caused me and my kids? How do we even begin to dig ourselves out of the multiple debts due to unplanned moves, husband’s idiotic decisions to trust a woman who wanted only to break us up, break my heart again by choosing her over me, and then thinking that by straightening up he’d somehow be all good. He’s tried so hard bless him, but I can’t get over it.
Right now he’s working barely over minimum wage, I’m about a dollar over minimum, daycare’s crushing, bills are crushing, and we’re drowning. I couldn’t even leave if I wanted to without an embarrassingly huge amount of help from my parents. It’s so frustrating. A friend of mine, well multiple friends of mine won’t even let him into their homes because of the tiny bit of stuff (whitewashed of course) I’ve told them. This is the person that got mad if I looked around while we were walking to our car or threw a fit if I walked out of the motel to smoke a stupid cigarette, let alone leave me money so that I can put food in our kids mouths. He had to be the one to buy everything. Heaven forbid I walk to the store to grab something even if we had the money to buy it.
He insisted every square inch of the house was on camera and grilled me intensely if I moved away from the camera even for a second. It’s like he was on hyperdrive over the thought I’d be pleasuring myself even for a second if he wasn’t watching (i never was). The thought of ever being able to do something as simple as taking a shower alone is still almost unthinkable even though now he pulls the “well I never said you couldn’t” shtick.
Honestly, I’m shocked I still have a job and he hasn’t thrown a fit about me living my life working where I want to. I think it’s because he doesn’t make enough so we desperately need my income too…it’s nice to be needed, but frustrating to be tied to someone so unhireable that only a not even nine an hour job is willing to hire him. Like seriously.
